New Blog Address

Hi folk, so after the latest few blogs and the increased traffic one of my good friends suggested that paddyinpoland should more official with it’s own domain name.

All the old posts are there but it’s a brand spanking new look.

http://www.paddyinpoland.com/

Cheers and dzienki

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Interview with Bronisław Komorowski

Yea, that’s right, I’ve been really quiet in the last two weeks as I was sworn to secrecy over the interview with Poland’s freshly elected president.

My mate Brono

Of course, I had said that I was attending Heineken Opener, which I did but after the fest I was taken to a secret location, well, kinda secret, actually it was Komorowski‘s hometown of Oborniki Slaskie to interview the man himself.

The best thing about blogs, they just keep going

Polish Bands At Heineken Opener, A Guide for non-Poles going

Rightio, I’d searched a few forums to see if anyone could point me in the right direction as to which Polish bands are worth checking out at this years Heineken Opener. I was given a few names to check out but I decided that I you want something done you may as well do it yourself.

There’s only one way to do this, there’s a lot to get through. I’ve done 45 bands in all, but no Headliners.

I’ll put a link for each band and their genre and I’ll put  a wee note beside it about what I think of them.

Buses in Kato

Next week I’m gonna have a special article for you all, but I’m not gonna give any clues away yet.

It will involve buses though.

Big Sexy Blue Bus

Graffiti in Katowice

Last weekend my better half and I went on a trek around Katowice and some of the surrounding cities in search of some of the best graffiti.

It took us all day and we got some really fantastic stuff and it’s a pity there isn’t more of it.

There’s plenty of graffiti around the cities but most of it is crappy football slogans. I love football, but come on guys if you’re gonna do graffiti at least do something that looks cool instead of just slaggin off each other’s crap football teams.

I’m not gonna upload all the images onto the blog but click here and you can see the rest of the images.

If you know of any other places around Katowice, then please contact me above and I’ll check them out.

Queuing in Poland

Lately I’ve gotten a few emails from people around the world asking about what it’s really like to live in Poland.

This type of enquiry could be for a couple of reasons, Poland was the only country whose economy grew last year in the EU zone and is looking more attractive to immigrants. Also the fact that more and more people now have Polish friends in their home countries that it has led to a curiosity about their friend’s homeland.

Last week, I felt the warm silky breath of a middle-aged man on the back of my neck while I queued to pay for my spuds

Anyway, to quell the fierce thirst for knowledge about the mighty Rzeczpospolita Polska, that’s Republic of Poland for us English speakers.

PKP Train Station, Katowice

Speaking of England and the English there’s a common stereotype held by the Tommies that they are the world leaders at the extreme sport of Queuing. This, of course, is a self-held belief that nobody queues quite like the English.

I fear that I must drown that stereotype in a bath of ice-cold Polish vodka. To be honest the best queuers in the world are The Germans.

Queuing in Germany is a joy, nobody pushes, everyone is quiet, no morons shouting down phone. If they are on the phone, other queuers are respected and nobody stands too closely together. But the best is that when the queue moves forward, while you are daydreaming, the person behind you will politely touch your shoulder and ask you to move forward.

So what’s this got to do with Poland, well my friends it’s like this. The English think they can queue, The Germans are the world leaders but the Poles haven’t got a clue when it come to queuing.

I’ve been told, umteen times and I do need to add that the reason the Poles are so bad at queuing is because of the former Communist regime. You simply had to queue for everything and like Homer Simpson has said in the past, the harder we push the quicker we get there. Of course, it was a sad state of affairs and I’m thankful that I wasn’t around during that time, but here’s the thing. That finished in 1989, why the hell has nobody learnt how to queue properly in over twenty years.

People stand on top of each other, last week in Tesco, I felt the warm silky breath of a middle-aged man on the back of my neck while I queued to pay for my spuds. After 5 minutes of his huffing and puffing onto the back of my neck, I had had enough. I turned around to find myself staring at his massive chest and said to myself, ok you’ve turned around now, don’t chicken out, so I looked up and into his eyes and said very slowly, “If you stand any closer you’ll have to at least buy me a drink first”. Now, of course, he didn’t understand, so I mimed to him to move the hell away from me, he mumbled something and I mimed again to him that I didn’t really like being breathed on. He moved away and I won the battle.

But the war? Well that’s a different kettle of Koi fish. If you come to Poland be prepared to have people standing right up your ass, way too close for comfort. The whole notion of personal space in Poland is a good 50cm smaller than in Ireland or Britain.

Here’s a few tips for queuing in Poland

1. Speak loudly on the phone in your foreign language, that’ll freak the older people out.

2. Turn around and engage in conversation, that’ll really freak people out, especially old women. Oh, just to say, old women in Poland are akin to a very strict battalion of crack commandos. Don’t mess with them unless you’re sure you can win.

3. Swear like a mofo, even though people may not be able to understand English, most people will know the swear words from television.

4. Fart.

5. Make sure everything that you eat has a content of at least 60% garlic.

6. Drink plenty of beer and belch like a warthog.

Here are some useful phrases for when you are queuing in Poland

1. You smell pretty,

Ladnie pachniesz.

2. If you get any closer you’ll need to buy me breakfast in the morning,

Jeżeli podejdziesz jeszcze bliżej będziesz musiała kupić mi śniadanie jutro rano

3. Usually people buy me a drink before they enter me from behind.

Zwykle ludzie najpierw stawiaja mi drnika zanim zachodzą mnie od tyłu.

4. Your body odour is lovely, come and stand closer to me.

Twoj zapach ciała jest cudowny, czy mogę przystanąć nieco bliżej?

5. No, please, really stand closer, you’re a very beautiful 70 year old woman.

Nie proszę, stań bliżej, jesteś naprawdę piękna 70-letnią kobietą.

6. God, I am so horny right now.

Boże, jestem teraz taki napalony.

7. Are you on Facebook? Twitter? Can I have your link, we should network.

Jesteś na Facebooku? Twitterze? Czy mogę zostać jednym z Twoich znajomych?

8. Any chance of a quick snog while your husband is gone to the toilet?

Twój mąż wyszedł do toalety. Jakieś szanse na szybki pocałunek?

9. I’m not gay but man, you’re really tempting me.

Nie jestem gejem, ale facet naprawdę mnie kusisz.

Or it all else fails,

10. F*ck off, you’re standing way too close to me.

Odpieprz się, stoisz o wiele za blisko.

Polish eBay Thingy, Allegro

There’s one thing I’ve learned since moving here and it’s that the Poles don’t really like to follow sheep.

The world has Facebook, Myspace etc, Poland has Nasza Klasa, a crap website when you reconnect with your old schoolmates, why anybody would want to bother reconnecting with old schoolmates though if hard for me to fathom.

The world has Twitter, Poland has Blip although to be fair, Blip is way way better than that Nasza Klase muck.

But the best is Allegro, the world uses eBay & Amazon Poland uses Allegro. Now, it’s a pretty good site, tons and tons of stuff to buy, but the best feature, by far, is that you don’t need a credit card or PayPal account to pay for stuff, you can transfer money from your bank account to the seller. Easy-Peasy.

Anyway, as usual there are many dumbasses on Allegro selling stuff and the many of them cannot use a camera properly. There’s tons of mistakes and for some reason, loads of pics with extras in the background, half-naked men. And feet, loads of feet.

Check this site out, I’ve been looking at it for hours today. Aaaby Sprzedac, it’s up there and probably as good as Lamebook. Check out the side link and be sure to click the erotica link for some of the funniest stuff I’ve ever seen.

David Norris Vs Jaroslaw Kaczynski

I don’t usually write about politics, to be honest I think a person’s politics is like their religion and they should both be kept private but I do want to write a small thing about the above politicians.

David Norris

Now that the dust has settles on the Katyn Tragedy, it seems likely that Jaroslaw Kaczynski, brother of dead president Lech, will be the next president of Poland.

Of course, everyone will have an opinion on the man and his politics. Not that I can vote in Poland but if I could it would most certainly not be for him.

However, I would like to stress to my Polish readers please not to vote for him and not for political reason, here’s why…

I want Senator David Norris to be the first gay president in the world….He’s intelligent and articulate and would make a fine president of Ireland and best of all the fact that he’s openly gay Ireland would be showing that we are a progressive and liberal country, although the new BS surrounding the Headshops may go against that. I do honestly believe that Ireland is a forward thinking and mostly liberal country.

Herein lies my problem with Kaczynski, the man could completely steal Norris‘ thunder as the world’s first gay president. I’m not going to go into his political views, there’s plenty of stuff on the internet about all that mumbo-jumbo. What really annoys me is that he will not come out of the closet fearing that it will end his career.

I couldn’t care less that he’s gay, naw, the opposite, just don’t be lieing to the people that you’ll be ruling over. Although if he did come out then none of the Catholic right would vote for him.

Oh and how do we know he’s homosexual, coz he lives at home with his mum and his cats.

So to reiterate, don’t vote for Kaczynski, we want Norris to be the first gay president.

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